Tried it: Groom Mate Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer

It was hard to get good action photos, and what I got wasn't flattering.

Because I am an old person, I bought a nose hair trimmer. Because I am a young person, I am blogging about it.

This post is going to contain TMI, so if noses and the things they do and produce bother you ... well, off you go.

I've had a lot of nose hair for a while. But recently it started getting so long that it sticks out my nose and can be seen by others. The mustache masks it, but I know it's there.

But it isn't vanity that led me to this purchase. No, I wanted to help myself not pick my nose. You see, with as much nose hair as I had, the snot wicks along the hairs and then dries. This is a problem for me because I always seem to have at least a little bit of a runny nose going because I am some kind of monster. So it runs, it wicks, it dries, and it pokes me. It also tugs on the hairs as I make facial expressions and that tickles.

So it takes a lot of willpower for me not to pick my nose. When you're not looking, sometimes I cave and get some relief. I'm not proud of it, being a 35-year-old man picking my nose in dark corners. But the itching!

I had been plucking. But that hurts, so much. Each time I even attempt to pluck a hair, tears well up in my eyes and my face contorts with discomfort. If I succeed in uprooting one, my whole nasal cavity protests in a forceful, painful sneeze. It is not something I could do for a whole nose full of hairs on an ongoing basis.

So I bought a Groom Mate Platinum X L Nose & Ear Hair Trimmer. Buy it with that link so I get a bounty from Amazon. They aren't paying me for this review, I bought it fair and square. But really do use the link and buy it, because the trimmer works well and I want the $0.80 you doing so will net me.

I got this one because the makers promised up and down that if you take this scary looking little steel wand, shove it up your nose, and then twist it so the blades spin, it won't rip 32 nose hairs out at once or cut your tender nose-meat to ribbons. Plus it was only $20.

Eagerly, I awaited its arrival. I'm not being sarcastic.

When I got home today, it was waiting for me in a little white shipping bag. Inside the bag was a little black box. No other shipping materials. I unboxed it, my proboscis atwitter with anticipation.

The little plastic sleeve it came in reminded me of an oboe reed case. I put it in my face and started twisting! And felt nothing. But that's good! No ripping, tearing, or cutting. Much smooth, very slice. I had to pull it out and look to confirm that it was even doing anything. And it was. Little hairs festooned the device, and a close look at my nostril revealed a much trimmed nasal lawn.

It works with two concentric rings of blades. The outer ring is much like beard trimmer, with a guard facing the skin. As you twist the bottom half of the device and hold the top half still, the inner blade ring spins around, scissoring the hairs. No batteries, plugs, or scary buzzing sensations in a spot you're sure will be gruesomely injured before you can stop it.

I got back at it. It was hard to get it into the sharply concave bit at the front. I had to push my nose up into the piggie position with one hand and then shove the trimmer in there and twist it with my pointer finger, which meant the outside was spinning instead of the inside. But even that didn't hurt.

I'm sold. I'd buy another one if that made sense. It has a lifetime unconditional warranty. It does take some effort and manipulation to get into all the angles, but it's nothing a reasonably dexterous adult couldn't handle. I just did one nostril so I could feel the difference and it's great.

The hair is almost all gone and I feel less itchy in there already. It feels naked in there, which is mostly good but it is a little more tender than the still-hirsute nostril, and when prodding at it from certain angles, I feel some stubble. I realize now that another thing tickling was the hair from one side of the nostril reaching over and poking the other side; now that is gone.

It is everything I hoped it'd be. This device has restored to me the nostril of my youth.